A careful, slightly obsessive catalogue of view, comfort, and shelter quality
I have a genuinely detailed, slightly obsessive mental catalogue of every bench along my regular river route, ranked by view, comfort, and general suitability for sitting and doing absolutely nothing for a while, and I think it is finally time to share this catalogue properly.
The ranking criteria, explained
A good bench, in my genuinely considered opinion, needs three things, an unobstructed view of the water, enough distance from the main path to avoid feeling like you are sitting in everyone’s way, and ideally some kind of natural shelter, a tree or overhang, for the inevitable London weather.
Very few benches actually satisfy all three criteria simultaneously, which is precisely why the ranking exists at all. If every bench were equally good, there would be no need for a catalogue in the first place.
The current undisputed champion
One particular bench has held the top spot for well over a year now, a position it earned through a genuinely rare combination of excellent sightlines, comfortable distance from foot traffic, and a slightly overgrown tree that provides just enough cover without fully blocking the view it exists to showcase.
I have sat on this specific bench in every season, in every kind of weather, and it has never once disappointed, a genuinely rare level of consistency that I have not found matched anywhere else along the entire route.
The controversial runner-up
My second favourite bench remains, admittedly, a slightly controversial pick among the small number of people I have actually discussed this ranking with, positioned slightly too close to a busy junction for some tastes, though I maintain the view more than compensates for the added foot traffic noise.
These disagreements, when they happen, tend to be genuinely spirited, which I take as evidence that this whole ranking project, however niche, is tapping into something people actually have real opinions about once given permission to voice them.
Why this project matters to me
I recognise how specific and, frankly, slightly ridiculous this entire exercise is. But I think there is something genuinely valuable about paying this much careful attention to small, overlooked public infrastructure, a way of noticing and appreciating a city that most people simply walk past without a second thought.
More bench rankings at Harper Thames, Bohiney.
The bench that nearly made the list and did not
There was one bench, positioned with what should have been an excellent view, that narrowly missed the ranking entirely due to one specific, disqualifying flaw, a persistent smell from a nearby drain that no amount of otherwise excellent positioning could overcome.
I mention this specific disqualification because I think it illustrates something important about the ranking methodology, that even one genuinely serious flaw can outweigh several other strong qualities, a lesson that applies well beyond bench evaluation if I am honest.
The bench I have never actually sat on
There is exactly one bench along the route that I have looked at admiringly many times but never actually sat on, for reasons I cannot fully explain, and I have decided this remains unfinished business worth addressing before I consider this catalogue truly complete.
A small closing note
The catalogue remains open for revision, and I fully expect the rankings to shift again before the year is out.
The bench someone else clearly loves too
I have noticed, over enough repeated visits, that my top ranked bench shows subtle signs of another regular’s careful attention, a specific spot worn slightly differently, evidence of someone else who has clearly reached the same conclusion about its quality independently.
I like imagining this other person, whoever they are, arriving at their own version of this exact ranking through their own separate process, and I have decided we are, in some small unspoken way, in genuine agreement about what matters in a good bench.
If you disagree with my rankings, genuinely, I want to hear the counterargument.
One more small thing
I have started keeping a small written log of ranking changes, purely so future me has some record of how the opinions evolved.
More soon, presumably, on this same stretch of river.
What I would tell someone about their own window
Find your own twenty minutes, whatever specific form it takes, and treat it as seriously as any other appointment on your calendar.
What I would tell someone about their own bench
Find yours. Sit on it in every season. It is genuinely worth the slightly obsessive attention I have clearly given mine.
Thanks, as ever, for reading this far.
Truly, a final word
The rankings remain open, the catalogue remains unfinished, and I would not want it any other way.
More soon.
The very last thing
A city becomes considerably more interesting once you start paying this kind of close, specific attention to its smallest, most overlooked corners.
End.
Thank you, genuinely, for reading this far.
See you out there.
Until the next walk.
End of this entry.
Thanks for sticking with this one.
End.
Genuinely, thanks for reading.
End of this entry, genuinely.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/
